At that time of the night
by solveariddle
Summary: Cal hopes it's merely a matter of time until he gets as close to Gillian as he is longing for every day. Until then, he has his vivid imagination. My way too late contribution to CommonFlower's challenge and Beloved-the-Fool's title.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Once upon a time in October, I intended to participate in **CommonFlower's challenge** and received a title from Beloved-the-Fool to write a matching story. But real life rained on my parade so that I could only write the story now. The structure is different from my usual writing style. I hope you enjoy it anyway (or because).

In case you wonder - I haven't abandoned my other story "Please (don't) lie to me". My muse just wanted me to write this first.

**Beloved-the-Fool:** This is for you. Thank you for not being mad at me because I made you wait for so long.

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill. Not mine.

* * *

There is that time at night when the silence is so loud that you can't sleep, when your thoughts revolve around the one topic that is always nagging you, surfacing whenever there is nothing else to distract you. People are different. Some are able to imagine things; some can only rely on facts. Cal Lightman has a very vivid imagination. Especially at three o'clock in the morning. In his mind, the topic he fantasizes about on a regular basis will happen something like this...

* * *

_- Opening Scene: Darkness - _

Cal has fantasized so many times about how it will happen that the variety of scenarios is seemingly endless. At the end of the day, though, he always comes back to one scenario that is his favorite.

* * *

_- First Scene/First Shot: The darkness brightens up and melts into a wide-angle-shot of his office -_

It has to happen in his office; there is no doubt about it. Cal is aware that it is a testosterone thing, that it has to be his office because it is _his terrain_. He doesn't go as far as admitting to himself that he wants to mark her as his territory by letting it happen there, but deep down he knows it's the truth. Of course, he knows. No one can lie to him, not even himself.

* * *

_- First Scene/Second Shot: Same wide-angle-shot of his office but bathed in soft light now -_

It can only happen late in the evening, sometime after sundown, when there is no one left in their premises but the two of them. Gillian will never allow it to happen there otherwise, not when there is a risk that someone might walk in on them or overhear them. (Although Cal hopes there would be a lot to overhear if they had unasked-for eavesdroppers; something he would be determined to avoid, of course, not for his sake but for hers. In fact, he couldn't care less, would actually like or at least not mind someone overhearing them and therefore knowing that he and Gillian are together _that way_. Bloody hell, when it finally happens, provided it will happen at all, he wants the whole world to know.)

* * *

_- First Scene/Third Shot: The camera zooms in, focusing on the couch - _

It will be like one of the chocolate desserts Gillian loves so much, the ones with a solid outside and a runny inside. He will have to break through the solid outside first, through their line that is firmly in place on some days and almost nonexistent on others, to get to the inside and its temptations. Cal might be wrong, but he always imagines that Gillian will hesitate when she realizes he is eventually going for it, will maybe even try to stop him. For that reason, he needs one of their _moments_ when emotions run high and leave their usual defense mechanisms behind. A moment after they just solved a difficult case or simply after they had a tough day. In those moments, the difference between outside and inside is barely palpable. There is only this invisible bond between them that practically forces them to give in to their need to be drawn together because it is the only place where they are able to breathe.

In Cal's imagination, this is the only realistic scenario that enables him to get as emotionally and physically close to Gillian as necessary so that he will be able to convince her to ignore whatever doubts she might have. A scenario that includes that they will end up on his couch. It's a comfortable couch, worn out from use; they love to sit on it and talk or share a glass of Scotch in silence. And on that special day, they will talk, there will be silence, and then...

* * *

_- First Scene/Forth Shot: Camera panning so that the attention is solely fixated on Gillian -_

There is not one dress, skirt or other piece of clothing Gillian owns that Cal doesn't like or rather enjoys – the more cleavage, the tighter the skirt or dress, the higher the heels, the better. He is a walking cliché when it comes to that. In this respect, it doesn't really matter what Gillian will wear. In his fantasy, though, she always wears a black skirt and a white blouse along with high heels that make her muscles stretch in that sexy way he could watch all day.

There is always that one, crystal clear scene, like a high-resolution photography, in which Cal can see himself reach out and touch one of her calves, letting his hand wander over her skin with relish. Maybe this will be the trigger that will start it all (Cal is adaptable regarding this, a classic kiss being only one of many other possibilities). However, it would be one of his preferred options.

* * *

_- First Scene/Fifth Shot: Camera panning so that the attention is solely fixated on Cal but only briefly; then the camera angle swings back to Gillian -_

...because, really, it doesn't matter what he looks like or what he wears when Cal's entire focus is on Gillian. Plus, he will take off whatever he will be wearing, anyway, so why bother? (You could argue that Gillian will take off her clothes, too, but concerning this matter his fantasy varies on a daily basis. Sometimes Cal spends a lot of time imagining how he will undress her as slowly and sweetly torturous as possible and sometimes his fantasy skips the details between reaching out to touch her and pressing her bare skin against his in a sensual frenzy. So, bottom-line: Her clothes are relevant, his aren't.)

What is also relevant is that he will pull her toward him and not push her back. Gillian has to be the one who sets the rules, who is in control, has control _over him_. (Whenever Cal thinks of that, her line about wanting to be tied up comes to his mind. Oh yes, he wants her to be the one who is in control so that maybe they can turn the tables sometime. Ab-so-bloody-lutely.) That first time, though, will start out soft and sensual. When he doesn't leave out the details between first touch and bare skin, Cal imagines his hands in Gillian's hair and on her body albeit layers of clothes are separating him from what he really wants to feel – her skin. He imagines their bodies becoming adjusted to each other first, then colliding in an effort to get even closer because no matter how close they are, it won't be enough, touches and kisses getting more and more passionate until finally clothes are pushed aside or taken off so that they are no barrier anymore. All this is not difficult to imagine; Cal saw the desire in Gillian's eyes enough times to have a more than vague idea of what to expect.

Anyway, the mental image of how it actually begins, how something they only felt emotionally up to that point in the future will transfer into something they will be able to feel physically, is the best part of his fantasy. The _almost there_. Sometimes Cal even stops the fantasy there – right in the middle of his preferred scenario after he touched her calve, caressed her skin with relish, and sees the naked desire in her face. It doesn't feel cruel or unsatisfying at all. To the contrary, the mere knowledge what is about to happen next has an effect on him as if he were high (and it has been decades since that happened for the last time). He feels like a twenty-year-old again, not the twenty-year-old version of him he'd rather forget but the version that thought he could do everything despite the hard times he went through, could study micro expressions, write a book about it, and establish a company one day. And look where it has gotten him.

Therefore, it doesn't matter when the pictures come to a halt as long as he has gotten as far as being close to her, touching Gillian in a way that leaves no doubt what is going to happen next, watching her facial expression change into something he has never seen before, glimpses of it at most, something that makes him want to grab right into his chest, pull out his heart and hand it to her on a silver platter. Of course, he also doesn't mind to let the fantasy play on. In fact, he usually does.

* * *

_- Transitional Scene: The camera zooms out, the picture getting blurry, until you can barely make out outlines anymore; yet, you can distinguish two bodies blending into each other in the background -_

It's true. Cal doesn't see the details whenever his imagination gets thus far. He wants to save that for the fantasy becoming reality. Not because he fears to be disappointed but rather the opposite. He is quite certain that nothing he is able to imagine will even come close to how it will be with her. Gillian is beautiful but no goddess; he is assertive but no hero. They are just ordinary people unless they are together or look at each other; but the moment that happens, something changes profoundly. That's why he simply can't tell how it will be aside from the fact that it will be special, blurry outlines the sharpest picture his fantasy is able to provide. (Needless to say that the blurriness of the images doesn't mitigate the arousal Cal feels whenever his fantasy takes him there. Even if he doesn't _see_ every detail, somehow he _senses_ everything, and everything means _her_.)

* * *

_- Second Scene/First Shot: The picture gets sharp again, the camera panning over clothes scattered on the floor and then over two bodies lying intertwined on the couch before it stops to show a close-up of Cal, grinning broadly -_

Thinking about what one might think in this or that situation is weird. Cal tried it, anyway, but gave up soon. Basically, he imagines himself just lying there with a completely blank mind and a silly grin on his face as if the cat just caught the mouse. Yes, it's a rather stupid comparison, but he has a thing for cat and mouse quotes.

What really, _really_, bothers him, though, is what he will say, _should say_, whatever. Even in advance, he is afraid to screw it up afterwards. Although Cal expects his mind to be rather blank, he is sure that one certain feeling, to be precise that crazy, little thing called love, will surface. Will Gillian expect him to say it? Or will it be too much, too soon? Either way, would he be able to say it in the first place? (Because wanting to do something and being able to do it is a completely different matter.)

It's a gap in his fantasy he isn't able to fill. Whenever he gets to that point, he imagines his face hidden in the shadows so that Gillian can't read him, doesn't want her to see his worries and doubts and misinterpret them. She has seen his love for her in his face so many times by now that she hopefully won't need the words in addition. (Of course, Cal knows that Gillian _will_ need to hear the words. That is the good thing about fantasies – they don't disagree or demand. His fantasy can live with the gap whereas reality will force him to make a decision and fill the gap somehow. But this, right here, is his fantasy and he still has time to figure out something until reality catches up with it, if ever.)

* * *

_- Second Scene/Second Shot: The camera zooms out so that both, Cal and Gillian, become the focus of attention, then zooms in again and stops to show a close-up of a serious-looking Gillian -_

As difficult as it is for Cal to come up with what _he_ will think afterwards, as easy it is for him to imagine Gillian's thoughts. She will be happy and confused at the same time. He loves that about her, that she has so many different facets. But this character trait also includes that she never goes easy on herself. Especially in such an emotional situation, thoughts and feelings will overwhelm her. Perhaps she will hope that he doesn't say something stupid, perhaps she will think about that crazy, little thing called love, too. Or maybe she will simply snuggle up to him and purr like a cat. That part is a bit irritating because wasn't he supposed to be the cat in this scenario? However, and as it is regarding fantasies and imagination, there is no logic.

Cal can't get around thinking (and almost fearing) that she will say something very rational, something like they shouldn't rush things. In particular, if he won't be able to tell her that he loves her. In this case, her insecurities and doubts will most likely take over and whisper nonsense into her ear (that it was a mistake, or worse, that he apparently thinks it was a mistake because of his inability to give voice to his feelings). That's why his fantasy usually ends here.

He simply isn't able to conserve the image of a happy (let alone purring) Gillian. Cal is aware that everything afterwards will be the hard part because of who they are, because of their complex personalities that will make their journey as wonderful as complicated. He is afraid that he won't be able to make her happy in the long run, that his flaws will outweigh his assets. In an aberration of his fantasy, Gillian even turns away from him to get up and leave. Whenever that happens, though, he has an ace up his sleeve. Cal might be a coward when it comes to everything even remotely related to Gillian and his feelings for her. However, what must be, must be. Therefore, Cal intends to do exactly this, should this scene ever take place in reality. He will look at Gillian's back (a very sexy, naked back, by the way), take a deep breath and hear how raw and true his voice sounds when he says the words. _Don't go. I love you. _

* * *

_- Final Credits: The screen goes black, a melancholic rhythm'n'blues song starts to play - _

This is complete bullshit. Cal doesn't even like blues, prefers jazz or classical music. In all honesty, he has not the slightest idea why he hears that music in his fantasy. Well, at the end of it but anyway. He should talk about that to a psychologist. Come to think of it, he has someone in mind...

* * *

**Not sure whether I will leave it at that or continue. ****The opportunity for one or two more chapters is obviously there. ;)**

**We'll see. For now, it's a work in progress.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Gillian's version of events. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or encouraged me to continue with this piece. Rating for content and language. Gillian has a very vivid imagination.**

**Disclaimer: LTM and its characters belong to Fox. I only own the idea for this story. **

* * *

Sometimes Gillian dares to believe that it happens to Cal, too – the sleepless nights, the images that won't go away. Images that are wonderful and painful at the same time. Then she reprimands herself for wanting to believe it, for raising her hopes. However, she can't stop herself, especially not at three o'clock in the morning, at that time of the night when defenses are lowest. So, she gives in and the images keep coming...

* * *

_- Opening Scene: Bright Light - _

Gillian has fantasized so many times about how it will happen that the variety of scenarios is seemingly endless. At the end of the day, though, she always comes back to one scenario that is her favorite.

* * *

_- First Scene/First Shot: The bright light darkens a little and melts into a wide-angle-shot of Cal's office -_

It has to happen in Cal's office. Gillian tried the fantasy out with her office instead and it didn't work. There are several reasons why she prefers Cal's territory, so to speak. First of all, his office is the center of the king's palace called The Lightman Group. Despite being partners and all that formal stuff, Cal is the undisputed king of their castle. They are equal, fifty-fifty partners, Gillian knows that their employees respect both of them (probably like her more than Mr. Unpredictable), but when push comes to shove, it's _his_ firm. As good, hell _brilliant_, as she is as a psychologist, she has accepted by now that she will always be only second best in the field of reading micro expressions. Gillian is pretty sure, though, that, womanizer or not, Cal never had sex with one of his affairs in his office. Not even with his ex-wife. Now, call her superstitious, but she actually believes starting their relationship _there_ would bode well. It would make her his queen in a sort. Perhaps he has been saving his office for her on purpose (the mere thought makes the butterflies in her stomach do funny things). Of course, she is aware that this is simply an encoded way how her fantasy allows her to trump all the other women she has been watching come and go in the past.

There is another reason, yet, why her imagination kind of teleports Gillian into Cal's office. In case things go wrong, like very, badly wrong (although they never do in her fantasy), she would still have her office as a refuge. It wouldn't be contaminated with wonderful fantasies that couldn't live up to harsh reality. Needless to say that it won't matter in real life whether her office is her unaffected refuge or not because if Cal and she will ever decide to take their relationship to the next level and fail, hell will break loose anyway. There will be no Lightman Group anymore in the long run. At least not one that includes her. (And she forbids herself to consider that maybe this is the reason why her name is not next to his on the wall at the entrance. Maybe Cal knew even back then when they went into business for themselves that they were running the risk of becoming more than friends and wanted to make sure that, in case they failed, he would at least have his company, wouldn't even have to change the title.)

* * *

_- First Scene/Second Shot: Same wide-angle-shot of Cal's office but bathed in soft light now -_

It can only happen late in the evening, sometime after sundown, when there is no one left in their premises but the two of them. It's a mandatory requirement. Someone of the staff still there is consistent with _clothes on, no exchange of bodily fluids_. No one there but them is consistent with... well... her fantasy. As much as Gillian enjoys Cal's dirty looks and his innuendo, it always borders on inappropriate behavior in her book. They own the company; they are the management, lay down rules and should be role models. (Cal might not be a classic role model with his dubious past, gambling habits and... whatever... but still.) Therefore, one of their employees overhearing them having sex, or worse, catching them in the act, is out of the question.

_Perhaps you fear getting caught so much because you know you will feel insecure and vulnerable after _it_ happened_, a nagging voice tells her. It is true. Gillian loves Cal and is dead certain that being with him _in that way_ will make her exceedingly happy, but she is also aware that she will need time to adjust before she can live her life with Cal publicly. She just knows that the whirlwind he is physically and emotionally will throw her off track in the beginning because even if they are close now, she is well aware that this is nothing compared to the overwhelming closeness she will feel once they are together. It will take time until she will have internalized and merged with this new version of herself that belongs to Cal completely before she will be able to confront their staff, his ex-wife, his daughter, and his countless affairs (in case they should meet one of them by accident that is). Actually, Emily doesn't belong on that list. She is the only one Gillian wouldn't mind to meet immediately afterward because she loves Emily and knows Emily not only loves her, too, but wants Cal and her to be together. _They would be a family_, her heart constricts at the mere thought of it. It is as wonderful as dangerous to think something like that. She had it once and then lost it. All of it. That's why Gillian is so careful these days. That's why there are so many restrictions before it can happen – even in her fantasy. If it happens, it has to be perfect. Anything less is not worth the risk of another disappointment.

* * *

_- First Scene/Third Shot: The camera zooms in, focusing on Cal's desk - _

Her first fantasies were quite irritating because Gillian couldn't decide on the exact location. His desk... oh yes, hot and sexy... or rather his couch... more comfortable and also holding more appeal for different, um, positions. Desk... Couch... In the end, the limited opportunities didn't matter since she had that one scenario in mind, anyway. And when she wants something _that much_, Gillian tends to be very stubborn. So... his desk it is. The problem being that ever since her fantasy settled for that special place, she can't stop blushing or at least getting slightly nervous (OK, more than slightly) whenever she enters Cal's office, no matter whether he's in it, sitting behind his desk (triggering off her nervousness and embarrassment even more), or not.

Cal hasn't figured out the why as yet, but sometimes her embarrassment and nervousness are so obvious that she can't hide it and he has a field day because if that isn't an introduction for more innuendos then what is? It's interesting, actually, that he cannot or don't want to read her in those situations. Blind spot or not, Gillian knows that Cal is able to read her much better than he lets on. It's almost as if he can't imagine _her_ imagining _them_ in that way although it has to be there, somewhere in her face, for all the world to see, given how intense her feelings are. If he only knew that his innuendos are child's play compared to her wanton fantasy.

They say women only watch porn if it has a plot. Well, her fantasy doesn't have a plot. Gillian doesn't imagine some nice evening after a case turning into something else, something more. She doesn't imagine lingering looks or hesitating touches because she has all that in real life already. In her fantasy, she simply enters Cal's office to find him sitting behind his desk (yes, that's why it makes her so twitchy whenever she sees him sitting there although it is ridiculous – it's _his_ office, _his_ desk, he _works_ _there_ and is supposed to be there more often than not). However, in her fantasy there are no words needed; he will just look at her and know why she is there. (They are experts in reading micro expressions, and no matter how much they talk around it, they _do_ read each other. It's even no disregard of the line because they do it only when the other isn't looking and don't address it.)

Gillian's heart always skips a beat at that point of her imagination. This is her fantasy and nothing will be able to stop what happens next – there will be no phone call, no employee entering the room, no nothing. Cal will stand up slowly, walk around his desk, and the moment he stands right in front of it, she will approach him and...

* * *

_- First Scene/Forth Shot: Camera panning so that the attention is solely fixated on Cal, on his fidgety fingers and posture, his puckered lips, before the camera eventually captures the ravenous hunger in his eyes -_

It is no secret that Gillian prefers well-educated, well-dressed men. Cal is a direct hit when it comes to the first part, when it comes to the second part... not so much. Surprisingly, it doesn't matter at all, never did. He wears suits sometimes and she loves how it represents his rebellious, yet trying to be reasonable, self. Due to the requirements of his job and clients, Cal is willing to make a concession, but at the same time he can't wait to take it off and put on jeans and a shirt or at least crumple the suit enough so that his statement, _I don't need to wear a uniform to know who I am_, is loud and clear. He oozes self-confidence and sexiness whatever he wears, as long as he wears his ink and his attitude. Gillian is well aware that Cal's uniqueness has spoiled her for other men. She might still be attracted to other men she meets here and there, but neither of them turns her on the way Cal does.

In her imagination, once they are standing face to face, Cal grabs her shoulders and spins her around for the sole purpose of pushing her down on his desk. As it is with fictional worlds, there is no logic continuity (at least not regarding clothes). One moment, he wears one of his suits and a shirt the next so that she holds on to bare skin, pushing his shirt up in the process to get a better look at his tattoos. _It's the danger they represent_, the knowing voice of her subconsciousness whispers in her ear. Gillian always liked sex, but she never expected having a quick shag on a desk in an office would become her favorite fantasy before she met Cal. He does something to her that is as irritating as impossible to resist and she doesn't know how much longer she will be able to resist him.

Gillian forgot the at one time countless (valid as well as nonsensical) reasons why she shouldn't give in to her needs. In real life, though, she keeps holding on to her habit of being careful and rather wait on Cal to make the first move than take a risk. It's her default setting she can't escape, no matter how hard she tries. Perhaps that's why in her fantasy, and as a compensation, she has pushed up his shirt and he has his hands under her dress before they even kiss.

Fantasy and reality contradict each other in an almost brutal way, but the effort of her subconsciousness to not let them mingle was wasted either way. This is what she wants and doesn't allow herself to have, but throw in her overwhelming desire and _doesn't allow_ turns into _hasn't allowed as yet_. She doesn't know when. All the same, a change is about to occur. Otherwise, her feelings will drown her one day – right in front of him in broad daylight. For now, it might only be her imagination that lets her feel Cal's kiss, and she definitely _is_ imaginative, but something that feels so good in theory can't only be a product of wishful thinking, can it? There has to be a true essence.

* * *

_- First Scene/Fifth Shot: The camera zooms out so that you can only see Cal's back and her legs, wrapped around his body exquisitely -_

She never sees herself in those fantasies. At least not clearly. Of course, Gillian is a main part of her fantasy since she is one of the two protagonists having some fun. However, and she knows that from experiments in front of a mirror with one of her boyfriends a long time ago, she doesn't like to watch herself having sex. It would probably be different if she saw herself through Cal's eyes, through the eyes of her lover (and the thought makes her shiver – _Cal_... her _lover_...), but his is _her_ fantasy, and therefore, it is him being watched.

Cal changed her preferences more than a bit. For example, there is absolutely no explanation as to why she loves his tattoos other than that Cal just has to be an exception from the rule when it comes to _everything_ since she never liked tattoos before. There is one thing, though, that she loves most about his appearance – his three-day-stubble. Her skin literally starts to tingle whenever she sees it and there are no words to describe how much she enjoys the feeling when they hug and it scratches her skin tenderly. It leaves a burning itch deep within her body she wants him to scratch so bad. It's pathetic, but she can't help it. That's why his three-day-stubble plays a significant part in her fantasy. She desperately needs to know how it will be to feel it get in contact with other parts of her body. Parts he hasn't even come near yet.

Somehow, she knows that, no matter how pushy she is in her imagination, in real life Cal will be determined to let everything that happens between them be her choice. So, the next part of her fantasy, right after Cal pushed her down on his desk tenderly, yet rough enough to meet her expectations, is about her showing him that he is allowed to do whatever he wants to do (or rather what _she_ wants him to do). It makes her blush even to think of it – of the way she imagines herself leaning back, giving him access to every part of her body, of the way he will (hopefully, please let it be like that exactly) look at her with pupils that will be completely dark because of his arousal and hesitate only briefly, making sure that this is what she wants, before he kneels down in front of the desk. Well, her imaginative, quick shag is not _that_ quick after all.

* * *

_- Transitional Scene: The camera zooms in Cal's back, the picture getting more and more blurry, until there is only black or white (depending on whether he wears a black suit or a white shirt), accompanied with soft, yet passionate, sounds of two people making love, every so often interrupted by flashes of exceedingly sharp images, fragments of what is happening -_

If asked (not that she would actually answer such a question), however if asked, Gillian wouldn't be able to describe this part of her fantasy accurately. It's as if she sees everything and nothing at the same time. The pictures are there, but they are no constant flow. There are only brief flashes of what she imagines to happen. Skin on skin. Impatient touches. A sensual frenzy. The few pictures she sees are so sharp, though, that they are almost blinding in their detailed intensity. Sometimes it is not only a fantasy; sometimes she dreams about it and when she wakes up, her heart racing and her breathing fitful, it takes her a while to remember that it didn't actually happen, no matter how real and intense it felt.

Even more intense than the images are the sounds though. Cal's voice, to be exact. She knows each and every intonation inside out. The way his accent gets heavier when he is stressed, the way it drops to a dangerous growl when he is angry, the way it softens when he soothes someone he cares about. Gillian could easily come up with countless more examples she remembers and still be able to distinguish every little variation, even the most minimal one. Given her field of expertise, she should have known that it would be his voice, or not even his voice but the noises she imagines he will make, that affect her most. A low moan. His quickened breathing as he fights for control and loses the battle. Her name (not her full name, only this one syllable she loves to hear from him) tumbling off his lips, strained in the best possible way, when he is close. She knows him so well that her imagination is able to provide her with an auditive imagination that probably comes very close to reality. One more reason why she wants it to happen so bad, desperately needs proof that his already sexy voice will sound even sexier then (and she knows it will, just _knows_).

* * *

_- Second Scene/First Shot: The camera focuses again and pans over the mess on the floor, items from Cal's desk that got in the way so that she shoved them down and clothes they pulled off (not many, they mostly just pushed them aside where required, one parameter that makes this fantasy so appealing because this is not what she usually does, ab-so-bloody-lutely not) before it stops to show a close-up of them, half-laying on the desk, panting heavily, clinging to each other -_

That's the problem with her scenario. There is no possibility of a decent cuddle afterward on a desk and the imagination how they disentangle their limbs to hop to the couch is rather awkward and destroys the setting. So, she lets her fantasy end here usually, aware that it is dissatisfying and abrupt.

Gillian knows she will be overwhelmed by feelings afterward. As a matter of fact, she suspects she will be so overwhelmed that she will react in a way Cal won't expect, a way that will buy her time to deal with her feelings – she will shut down. He will most likely expect tears (of happiness or confusion) whereas he will only see her blank face that will probably scare the shit out of him. Of course, Gillian plans to explain it to Cal, but she is afraid it will come across as the psychobabble it basically is. Once they made love, the only missing piece of the puzzle will be her (his) confession that she (he) loves him (her). And she has no idea whether she will be able to tell him right there and then or not. _I love you. I'm in love with you._ The words are in her head constantly but saying them out loud (or hearing them being said) will be different and doing it for the first time will require a huge amount of confidence. Their friendship might survive a one-night-stand gone wrong but never failing being together after making love and confessing their love. Perhaps that is the main reason she lets her fantasy end here. (Gillian knows chances are they won't fail. Nevertheless, the nagging fear is there. _What if... _She always needs a Plan B, but with Cal there is none. It's all or nothing, and after everything that already happened in her life, she won't be able to survive if they actually screw this up.)

* * *

_- Second Scene/Second Shot: The camera zooms out, the images getting blurry another time, then zooms in again to capture their intertwined bodies, lying on the floor -_

Sometimes, although rarely, Gillian manages to get past her doubts and insecurities. Then there is an afterward. The floor as a setting is a compromise between desk and couch. It's probably quite realistic that they will simply slide down on the floor given how uncomfortable the desk will be once it has served its purpose.

It's interesting that she doesn't worry much about what Cal will think. She knows he loves her, is _in love_ with her, knows he will be determined to make it, _them_, work, fully aware of the difficult times that will be awaiting them because whatever they have right now, being together and handling everyday life is a completely different matter. Gillian suspects, though, that he will worry about what _she_ will think and feel. And whenever she realizes this, she realizes, too, that whatever obstacles seem to be in their way, it is up to them to let them disappear into thin air. That is the moment in which reality and fantasy meld. She takes a deep breath and exhales while her imaginative alter-ego does the same and rests her head on Cal's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, feeling his strong hands holding and caressing her. (Yes, as a psychologist, she is well aware that this represents her need for stability and safety. Funny that, as unpredictable as Cal is when it comes to himself, she has always felt safe with him.)

* * *

_- Final Credits: The screen goes white; there is absolute silence save for their muffled voices in the background, slowly being faded out - _

If she gets that far in her fantasy, Gillian is perfectly calm, and somehow, this is reflected in what happens in her imagination. She sees nothing, just a soothing brightness. But another time, she _hears_ something. _Them. Being happy._ Cal will mumble something sweet or funny into her ear to break the ice, considering the new and slightly awkward situation, and she will laugh, or rather giggle, because how could she not, being in his arms half-naked and so _perfectly_ _happy._ Part of her will still cling to her fears, she is sure of that, but she can't hear it anymore, not even in her own voice.

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**There will probably be one more chapter. Yes, I know, comes as no real surprise. ;)**

**Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing if you feel like it. M****akes me most certainly happy.**


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